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it’s been ninety two days and two full years since i reached the new era, the new decade. the thirties. three, zero. it’s been ninety-two days and two full years since i plopped onto the grass that lay below the tree i was hanging upside down in. I crossed the checkpoint and gave myself a new, fresh perspective. a new life. new lush grass at my feet. right here, not over there in the other paddock. it’s been ninety-two days and two full years since i stopped thinking my life was over, I suppose my life as i knew it is over, but this is a new life.you can rebirth yourself infinitely, did you know that? You can, I think, spend about one decade of your adult life being an idiot, and trying way too hard to force yourself into a specific box. you have one full decade to achieve those things, over the age of three zero I think it is sort of over for that part of your life, but it’s actually quite a beautiful thing. people keep telling me “you can still get married you know, you’re so young still” but i know i can’t and i know i’m not, and I think of these comments as a sort of patronising comment, they are lying right to my face. I know i am no longer “young” and I’m glad about that. every time the sun completes one full orbital unit and returns to the location it was in on the day I was born, i feel blessed. I think about how much I have learned over the course of these years, and there really aren’t that many years that I have had to endure lessons and consequences, so in some sense I am young. But I am not young.It’s been ninety-two days and two full years since i turned 30, unmarried and childless. I thought for sure I might die. I felt resentful at first, you know. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I didn’t prioritise my career, I prioritised getting married. I tried to find a man to love me forever, deeply.


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